I hate shopping.
I loathe it, i hate the fact that when i go to the store to buy 1 gallon of milk I buy two or three, just in case I forget to get another one at the end of the week on my way home from work on a Friday when I'm battling the most ignorant and incompetent people on the planet who've been so stupidly granted the go ahead to get a License from a division of moronic vermin ( haha get it??) who are just as moronic as most of those they sign off to be free to roam the highways at 90 miles an hour, in stop and go traffic...anyways back to the milk - I know that by the end of the week I'll go through traffic and forget completely about a spare gallon of milk due to some fool in front of me who pisses me off and i get vengeful and refuse to let up thinking that I'm making he or she understand me while i sit in the same lane at a red light behind them, violently cursing up a storm and waving my arms in my car like a complete and utter idiot - i get so worked up over this incident that i make it all the way home - finally - only to realize that now i cannot start cooking dinner for my family because i got all pissy because someone cut me off - at least i thought they had at the time when it was more like i was in a rush and they cleared my car by like 20 feet......again this is one attempt at shopping.....for a gallon of milk.
So, now i have to pack my disgruntled self back into my hot car, because of course its still summer time here, and drag myself to the local store so that i can avoid Walmart where all the reaaaaalllll crazies are. I get to the store and go figure they're having one hell of an awesome sale - on everything I NEED....Efffing figures.....so now i tell myself ok, get the basket you can carry not the cart with wheels....and then i walk to the baskets and somehow when i look down i see my purse staring back up at me while i push it along and i instantly start regretting even leaving the house because i know where this is leading me.....
i look around and to my surprise i find that they have ketchup on sale, its a buy one get one type deal, so i grab four - ya know 4 for the price of 2 (when you go through as much ketchup or Chech-Up, as my lil one calls it, as we do then you'll understand the intense importance of the whole 4 for 2 deal....) i then glance up from my cart to see that coffee creamer is also on sale, so i grab one of those because i'm almost out. Next i happen to move out of some person's way, to find myself staring at the never ending aisle of cereals, knowing i'm out of that and will need it the next morning i grab a few of the bagged type because again i'm trying to be thrifty here, after all i only came to get milk.....then i make it to the milk lane and suddenly realize i'm out of eggs, so i bypass the milk and grab 2 things of eggs and oh look there's the bread. I end up doing a complete circle of two totally different aisles only to end right back at the milk. So i grab one gallon of milk and start to walk away and then stop - leave the cart and go grab just one more - again just in case i forget next week like i did this week all in an attempt to avoid this very scenario playing out before once more.....
The Check out lane
I hate this because i always go through the line laughing and care free and joke with the casiher i even use my handy dandy store savings card thingamabob and then it hits, like a mack truck...$88.02....for WHAT??? All i came here for was ONE gallon of milk!!!???!!!! What in the hell did i just buy?????
I have this sudden urge to want to punch and scream at the cashier like he's the idiot here, but i don't, i stand there having what feels like a heart attack, swipe my card and leave with the ever pissed off frustrated smile thinking to myself, those bastards!!! Those conniving advertising Moguls are ruining every trip i take to the store!!! How do they know i need all this stuff and know when to make great deals i apparently can't pass up!?!?!?! Damn their good, those S.O.B.'s need to share there handy little secret so i can tactfully use it against my kids some day.......
Then I go home, unload everything and realize that i just went through all of that stress for nothing. I am home with a bill of $88.02 and out of all that money spent, i still have nothing to make one complete meal....effing figures, its the story of my life....
Crap, my shoe just started talking to me, guess i have to go to Walmart anyways......
